Choosing Joy

I originally wrote this on August 8, 2008  ... all dates and ages correspond from that day.  :)
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This whole past week my thoughts have been consumed with the death of James and what his entire family has been through. In my reflection I have felt so much joy because I know in all of James’s trying life that is the only thing that Laura ever focused on. That is not to say that she didn't struggle with moments of frustration, anger and doubt, but whenever I spoke to her it was always JOY that my heart was left with.

Fourteen years ago Laura and Brian were expecting their first child. It was a perfectly healthy and normal pregnancy. On February 14, 1995, something went wrong during the delivery. I pause to think of the commercials I see here... "If you think your child's cerebral palsy is due to a doctor's mistake..." here we are encouraged to sue, to hold on to our mad. James’s was not only left with cerebral palsy, but a quadriplegic. When Laura shared the story with me it was the next part of the story that she emphasized. James was the first person life flighted from their rural hospital to the city. The hospital had just gotten the new helicopter; if it had not been for the new helicopter, than they would never had James at all. Laura and Brian still had a precious new life to hold on to and to love. They choose to focus on the joy and wonder that God had given to them instead of the “what ifs” had things gone differently.

I had the privilege of meeting James in the summer of 2004. Laura was certain, even back then, that James was very aware of things going on around him. He could not speak, but he could smile. He could not say no, but his eyes could answer questions. He wanted to see a specific episode of “Veggie Tales” that day. After Laura rambled off a couple of titles, his smile lit up the room when she said the one that was on his mind. James loved getting high fives, and his smile warmed my heart when I got to smack his hand with enthusiasm!

About two years ago Laura and I had a long conversation about a tough choice she and Brian were facing. They lived in rural Canada, about two hours outside of London in Ontario. In the city of London there were great opportunities for James. She knew his young mind was developed beyond what he could express. James also loved to swim; A place where he was not strapped into a chair (because he would fall out if not strapped in). In the water he could float around and his arms and legs could be free. In the city of London there would be a pool available to him daily. Moving was not an option for the family, so the option became a home share program. James moved in with another family in the London area, Monday – Friday, where he could get outstanding medical services and education. He would then come home on the weekends. After struggling with the decision of letting James go, she had to do what was best for him. A few months ago Laura was able to write about all the awesome achievements that James was making. Through medical technology she was finally getting proof of how intelligent James truly was! She was so excited that James was able to express himself and share so much with the world.

A few days ago I was able to read and excerpt from the book Soul Revolution by John Burke. The excerpt was titled “Two dates and dash.” The point was we don’t have a choice about the date we are born, or the date that we die; but we can do everything about what that dash in between those dates’ means.

The dash between the dates below is full of love and joy. Those are the things that Brian and Laura chose to share with James and that is the life that he knew. His smile will forever warm my heart.

James Daniel Ross
February 14, 1995-August 4, 2008