Today's Blessings - June 22nd, 2011 (10:52 pm) - A blog from the past...

So an interesting thing I found on Facebook today, it is now highlighting some of my old "notes" from the past.  Though I am having some issues with a nice copy & paste for font size (I do very basic stuff on the computer), I wanted to share it on here.  Also, there are some points my medicated mind did not share clearly the first time, so this has been edited and revised.  I have made my new additions bold for now, until I can figure out font size and formatting.

Today's Blessings - June 22nd, 2011 (10:52 pm)

As I reflect on this early writing, I think I should give a preview to those jumping in on my first thoughts.  June 22, 2011 was our scheduled c-section of our fourth child.  Rebekah Colleene Gasperoni was born at 9:35 a.m. weighing in at 9 lbs 1 ounce.  Four hours after she was born she was taken to the "Special Care Nursery" and then on to the NICU where she would spend the first seven days of her life on strong antibiotics.  As a new mom, obviously I must have been feeling like it was not such the "great day" I thought it would be.  ..... 

Today might not seem like such a great day from the outside, but God's love and blessings have been shining through all day long.  That is what I have been focusing on and bringing me such peace through every minute.

The day started with lots of anxiety because I know I have not reacted well to pain medicines or surgeries in the past.  Never anything drastic, just bumps in the road.  In the past, Matt has been there when the epidural is set in for surgery.  This time he was not in the room when I was being given a spinal block.  I had one nurse in front of me telling me I needed to relax and slouch my back.  She kept telling me the needle was not going to go in correctly if I could not relax.  I was doing my best to try to relax but I was completely tense and the longer it was taking the more I was shaking.  Nothing like knowing one slip could paralyze you to make you shake!!  Another nurse, Maria, saw my need and told the first nurse she would stay with me and she could go back to triage - essentially switching patient positions (Maria had been with me in triage).  Once the first nurse left the room Maria held me close and told me to put my head on her shoulder.  She then was very quiet for a moment.  She did not say a word but I know I felt her praying over me.  I completely calmed down and relaxed.  God is so good that He put it on Maria's heart to notice my need.  The spinal went in fine and all was good.

Matt was let in for the surgery shortly after that and having him there is more than calming to my soul.  He held my hand, gently stroked my hair, gave me soft kisses, and talked to me so I would not focus on what was going on.  I am so incredibly blessed to have him by my side on this journey.

Rebekah was born into this world breathing, kicking and screaming.  It was a very wonderful sound.  Even though I have been having girl dreams the past few weeks, and once referred to the baby as a she, I was still surprised in hearing "It's a girl!"  We had not found out our baby's gender, but I had been very confident for eight months that we were going to have a baby boy.  

Rebekah was born our largest baby, with the least amount of hair.  She also has the lightest hair, unlike my other three being born with lots of dark brown hair.  Matt was able to stay with Rebekah through all her routine clean-up, weigh-ins and tests.  (another praise!)  The nurse that washed her up suggested Rebekah's hair might actually be curly - we will have to wait and see.  This little Rebekah is going to be full of wonderful surprises and I look forward to each and every one of them.

In this review of the events of the day, I seemed to have missed a large chunk of time.  

Rebekah and Matt visited me in recovery.  I was able to nurse Rebekah just an hour after she was born and she did awesome!  We needed lots of help from Matt to position her, but she latched on great.  After Rebekah and I got settled in our room, the nurse came to check up on us again.  I remember it being around noon, maybe 12:30,  and our nurse, Amy, did not like Rebekah's breathing.  She checked Rebekah's blood sugar (because I had gestational diabetes this fourth pregnancy) and everything was great there.  Amy told me to try to nurse Rebekah again and she would be back to check on her.  For the next 40 minutes we tried to get Rebekah to latch on and she just could not.  I also noticed her breathing getting more and more rapid.  Just as I was telling Matt to buzz for the nurse, Amy came back into the room.  She immediately took Rebekah's oxygen levels and confirmed they were dropping.  She used the adult size mask in the room to immediately give Rebekah some "blow by" oxygen and got her back into a safe range.  She got on her phone to report numbers and what she had done, and a doctor came to see us with two minutes.  We were told Rebekah was going to be moved to the "Special Care" nursery for a couple of hours for observation.

After we realized Rebekah was going to need some special care, I thought Matt should make a few calls to people who might be driving further distances, like my mom, sister and sister-in-law.  The nurse gave me Rebekah one more time to hold and she opened her eyes wide to look at me.  This was a very special Blessing that I am holding precious in my heart.  Matt came over and spoke softly to her and Rebekah's eyes shifted to him to study daddy carefully.  I was amazed at this precious newborn studying her daddy so closely!  I spoke and again she looked back at me!  As we held her close she just looked on us with wonder and I know those few minutes were a precious gift from God.

As the nurse was about to take Rebekah away, in walked my mom, sister, niece and nephew.  They didn't get to see her long, but I was blessed by the Spirit that they didn't just miss her.  God is so good for giving them even a few moments to hold our new baby and a gracious nurse that let them!

The afternoon became tougher as I began to move my legs and sit up.  Instantly the movement caused me to become sick, and I have been throwing up approximately every hour since then.  I can not even begin to express how amazing Matt is as a husband.  He is there for me every time I get sick, helps me clean up and wipe my face.  He even gets sprayed on and never complains one time.  He is a silent warrior by my side through it all.  God gave me an incredible man and He continues to equip Matthew for all my battles and needs.

After Matt posted on facebook that Rebekah went to special care, a friend who's husband works in pediatrics at this hospital, called her husband and sent him to get an update for us.  I later found out this had been Raj's day off!!  Raj and Vanessa had just had their first baby in early April so I am sure every day off was huge for him being a Resident doctor at a major hospital and getting very little family time.  But Vanessa insisted he use his hospital rights to find out information for us.  So he walked (they were without a car) to the hospital (they lived about a mile away at the time), changed into his grubs, spoke to the Head of Pediatrics, and found out what he could for us!  We had no idea God was working behind the scenes during this time or that Vanessa had even seen this post.  

When Matt went to get an update on Rebekah, he found out that she was moved to the NICU and was downstairs getting some tests done.  It would be over an hour before we heard anything from NICU and we would have to wait it out.  Less than 20 minutes later, Raj came in, introduced himself (yes, I had never even met him yet!), and gave us an update on what he knew at the time.  As any parent who has been in waiting mode before knows, that was an incredibly precious gift to hear from someone in between.  God is so good in using our Christian brothers and sisters moment by moment in this day.  Thank you for the extra special blessing Vanessa and Raj.  The update had been that the tests confirmed excessive fluid in the lungs, plus infiltration was beginning to occur.  They were taking pro-active measures and treating it as pneumonia.  I am not sure how much difference an hour would have made in a newborn just developing pneumonia, but I know that Amy, our nurse, was incredibly attentive for noticing Rebekah's issues so early. 

Matt decided it might be a good time to head home to help with our other three children for a couple of hours.    When Matt left the hospital for a couple of hours to help the children get settled for bed, I was in and out of a groggy sleep.  I remember Amy coming in to check on me one last time before heading home for the night.  She was awarded with having to be a quick catch with the puke tray since Matt was not there.  She asked about Rebekah and what were the official updates.  Again, I am so thankful for the two awesome nurses that were there for me today!

At one time I opened my eyes and gazed out the window on a beautiful rainbow.  What a gift that I will get to share with Rebekah I saw a rainbow on the day she was born!  I know in my heart that God is taking care of our Rebekah.  I called Matt to share this with him and he was happy to hear my excitement.  (speaking of calling Matt, I think I called him 4 times in the two hours he was home - and again, he never once complained about my constant interruptions as he was working hard to make use of his little time at home).  But God is more than good and more than awesome - on Matt's return drive to the hospital he got to see his own rainbow for Rebekah, and even snapped a picture on his phone.  How awesome is that?!!  Two rainbows in one day!!

I did attempt to go and see Rebekah in the NICU with Matt, but I did not make it very far, and almost covered the nurses desk with my wonderful spray.  Thanks again for a quick husband who grabbed their garbage can being the only thing in site.  It is difficult not being able to go and see her but I have been definitely feeling the prayers of all around me.  Thank you all so much for those prayers, they are bringing us much peace in the moments that we just miss holding our baby girl.  

May you all feel His love as greatly as I do today,
Marceen 

Our Changing Life...

I have not blogged about Rebekah's issues since October - when we discovered her reactions to dairy.  I was correct with removing dairy, but I had no idea of the bigger picture.

Removing dairy removed her constant runny nose and eczema so we were good there, but Rebekah began to have crazy insomniac episodes, lasting up to three days.  It took awhile to figure it out, but evidence seems to be pointing to artificial dyes, artificial sweeteners and artificial preservatives.

If you are my friend on Facebook you have seen lots of posts about many wonderful things allowed in our foods in America, that are banned in other countries.  Known carcinogens but the FDA allows them in minute amounts.  The problem is so many of our foods contain them that the amount we consume is not minute at all.

We did have an episode last night, that I would have been going crazy over this morning, if it had not been for Amelia.  Now Amelia does not know the answer for sure, but I think God used her to give me a "heads up."  We have been watching Rebekah's diet pretty well.  Now we mostly shop at Trader Joe's which makes our lives so much easier.  None of their products (their brands only-not everything they sell) have artificial dyes, artificial sweeteners or artificial preservatives.  So when Rebekah seemed a little wired last night, I was trying to blow it off as an odd night.  Amelia came in to my room and saw a Rebekah that would not go to bed, and the hyper-ness increasing.  So Amelia declared Rebekah had gotten some dye somehow.  I said I did not think so even though my mind was already trying to figure out what she ate.  With a 21 month old, and 3 other children that can drop trails, that can be tough.  Amelia said Rebekah must have found a stray jelly bean left over from one of her siblings.  It was then that I remembered Rebekah was in Cathan's room with him playing.  Now the jelly beans we purchased for Easter were "Rebekah safe" (that is a food category if you did not know) but the older three children had been given baskets from other people.  In them were Brach's and Starburst jelly beans, both full of artificial dyes that make Rebekah crazy.  And yes, one small jelly bean could cause a full night of insomnia or longer.  Some of Rebekah's episodes (before we were aware) lasted up to 72 hours.

Two A.M. and I here "Whoa!" - then silence.  Rebekah tries to be good, she knows she is supposed to be sleeping.  It was about another 15-20 minutes before I heard, "What's That!!??!!" quite loudly.  I thought maybe a random car drove by but found out later that the Garmin watch connected to the computer opposite her wall was randomly beeping.  By 3:00 A.M. she was jumping up and down in her crib.  No more denying it, she was wired and going crazy.  During these reactions, if she tries to be still, her leg will be twitching and her hands moving fingers rapidly in and out of one another.  She does not have a cold, but I cheated.  Her all natural night time cold medicine contains meltonin, so I gave her some.  Along with a warm bottle for comfort.  I changed her diaper and put her back to bed.  She tried her best to remain calm, but I heard her stirring and making random comments for another hour or so.  Today I fully expect a diaper rash which comes with the dyes.

So we continue to learn about chemicals in food, and how they effect our lives.  We continue to learn about dyes, which seem to be the worst of Rebekah's episodes.  But we are not only learning for Rebekah but for ourselves.  Since removing a lot of the processed foods my ADD meds are less then half of the dosage they used to be.  It is more difficult to get all the children on board, but our home is becoming more and more dye free.  This house has to become a completely dye free zone, no matter what the children are given, so there will be no more questioning what a toddler might have found.

If you are curious about what one reaction can be like, here is a blog from a medical writer:
http://www.allergykids.com/blog/seeing-red/

and another blog, this one is about chewing gum, but it breaks down a lot of chemicals:
http://foodbabe.com/2011/12/09/wanna-a-piece-of-gum/

It is just a relief to know these crazy reactions have not happened to Rebekah alone.