God shows up in small ways that we just do not "see" all the time. Today I was able to realize one of those moments and share that with our son.
About a year ago a new student came on to Cathan's bus named "Maria." (Cathan believes that was not her real name but adapted an easier name for her new friends to say. He is not sure if the first name she gave was just a nickname or her real name. I do not want to butcher the spelling so we will go by Maria.) So Maria moved here from Brazil only knowing one word in English, "no." The first few days kids would ask her all kinds of questions ranging from her favorite color to her age with every answer she gave being "no." But Maria learned English easily and quickly became a very popular young lady.
As Matt was about to embark on his work trip to Brazil he remembered Cathan talking about Maria. Thinking Maria might enjoy a small piece of Brazil Matt had Cathan ask her what type of candy she missed most that she could not get here. Matt returned from Brazil on Saturday with a variety box and two bags of chocolate type candies (one bag specifically the type she named) for Maria.
This morning, realizing Cathan is a 5th grade boy about to give a girl a special gift, Matt started offering ways to dispel any unwanted attention this might bring. Cathan could tell others it was his dad's idea... Cathan could put the stuff in one bag and hand it over quickly .. etc... only God had already taken care of it.
Cathan told us he had a way that no one else would see him give her the candy, and then he shared how. Recently when the children in Cathan's class were given new assignments, both him and Maria were assigned morning classroom set up. While the school day begins at 8:37 am, and other children are not allowed in the hallways until 8:27 am, Cathan and Maria are currently the only two children from Cathan's class that report at 8:22 am to set up the chairs and make sure the desks are lined up for learning after they have been moved around for cleaning the night before.
OH HOW HE LOVES US!!
Oh how God loves Maria, that God put it on Matt's heart to offer her a small piece of the only country she knew the first ten years of her life.
Oh how God loves Cathan, that he did not have to stress about how he would give Maria the candy without drawing attention to himself. (and Cathan would have stressed greatly!)
Thank you God for the ways you use us to share your love Big and Small! and Thank you God for loving our children so much that sharing this love was made easy on them. We love the way you fit us into your everlasting puzzle. Amen!
Monday, February 25, 2013
Sunday, February 17, 2013
40 Days...
40 days for the LORD!! Jesus took 40 days to draw close to God before his ultimate sacrifice of giving Himself up for our salvation. He prepared His heart and still felt deserted during His trial. How would He have endured the cross if He had not prepared??
Drawing close to God helps us to have strength to endure our trials. If you have never done a fast, or have not done one in years, tomorrow begins day 1 of 40 for those who use the time before Good Friday to prepare their hearts. What is God asking for you to do in order to prepare your heart? Whether it be a fast or a commitment, use that time to draw close to your Savior.
If you fast from something that normally costs money, I challenge you to use that same amount of money as extra giving! Can you imagine if you just give up 3 stops for coffee on your way to work (hey, you can still make it at home) and give that money, it might be as much as $12 a week. If you fast from something that normally consumes time out of your day, (computer, facebook, television) I challenge you to use that time in prayer, devotion and quiet time.
Begin a new journey with me and make a 40 day commitment to prepare your heart for change!
Drawing close to God helps us to have strength to endure our trials. If you have never done a fast, or have not done one in years, tomorrow begins day 1 of 40 for those who use the time before Good Friday to prepare their hearts. What is God asking for you to do in order to prepare your heart? Whether it be a fast or a commitment, use that time to draw close to your Savior.
If you fast from something that normally costs money, I challenge you to use that same amount of money as extra giving! Can you imagine if you just give up 3 stops for coffee on your way to work (hey, you can still make it at home) and give that money, it might be as much as $12 a week. If you fast from something that normally consumes time out of your day, (computer, facebook, television) I challenge you to use that time in prayer, devotion and quiet time.
Begin a new journey with me and make a 40 day commitment to prepare your heart for change!
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
Prelude to the New Year
A little late on posting, but here it is :)
December 31, 2012 …. Prelude to the New Year
God is speaking to me about where my focus is. At church on Sunday the talk was on having great expectations on what God can do. I have always had a way of looking for the next obstacle I need to overcome. This year, with His guidance, I will look forward to seeing the next wonder He will show me. My wheels are always turning about what I need to do next. This year I will choose to enjoy the moment. I have often looked back on what I could have done differently or where I could improve. This year I will reflect and remember on the joy, the positive, the growth and the love. My thinking needs a different perspective, His perspective.
The talk began with “Believing is Seeing.” Did you catch that? I did not even hear it correctly because I have always heard the opposite, that ‘seeing is believing.’ But that is so profound, BELIEVING IS SEEING. What we believe in our hearts and minds is what our reality becomes. Believing gives us the ability to see God. I personally know the truth in this … the more I have believed and put my faith in a living God, the more I have seen His awesome works all around me. There are many things I would not have seen if I had not first believed. We cannot encounter God unless we expect Him to act. We will encounter God when we look forward with great expectations of what He can do.
Another point that struck me is to pursue what is really important. So often we say things like, “let’s get this stuff done so that we can….” Or maybe it is something like, “I will get to that after I just do this…” I need to make the important stuff a priority. For me I have long struggled with paying off debt and using our finances to glorify God who provides for us so abundantly. We get side-tracked by things we want and stuff we ‘need’. I have trouble sticking to a budget and end up with too many excuses why a family of six causes that. The truth is we will be able to do so much more if we first pay off our debt. God has shown us the importance of this and we need to finally make it a priority.
“The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field, which a man found and covered up. Then in his joy he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field. Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant in search of pearls, who on finding one pearl of great value, went and sold all that he had and bought it.” ~Matthew 13:44-46, ESV
In the first example, the treasure was found by chance, its value was seen, and it became a priority. He could have been so caught up in his own thoughts that he missed the evidence around him. In the second example the pearl was being sought out, but how often are we so used to going through the motions (in this case his constant looking at different pearls) that we miss something that is of value. So often we can become so focused on routine, that we miss something of great value. If our focus is on pursuing what is important, we are sure to see the little gems along the way.
My attitude adjustment has to begin with my focus of thinking. I have always heard to focus on the positive, and not surprisingly, there are many scriptures that give that same message. I tend to over-react and panic. When I am reacting to a situation I am not living expectantly of seeing His work. When I carry burdens I am not living expectantly of seeing His work.
I need to slow down, to give time to “stop, look and listen.” That is to stop from routine, look to His word, and listen for His guidance. I need to “stop, breathe, and think.” When I hear or see something that I may not agree with, I need to pause, breathe in His Spirit, and think about my choice. If I give Him time my life will not be a reaction, but a response. Through Him and changing my focus, my life will begin to show less bitterness and more of His abounding grace.
December 31, 2012 …. Prelude to the New Year
God is speaking to me about where my focus is. At church on Sunday the talk was on having great expectations on what God can do. I have always had a way of looking for the next obstacle I need to overcome. This year, with His guidance, I will look forward to seeing the next wonder He will show me. My wheels are always turning about what I need to do next. This year I will choose to enjoy the moment. I have often looked back on what I could have done differently or where I could improve. This year I will reflect and remember on the joy, the positive, the growth and the love. My thinking needs a different perspective, His perspective.
The talk began with “Believing is Seeing.” Did you catch that? I did not even hear it correctly because I have always heard the opposite, that ‘seeing is believing.’ But that is so profound, BELIEVING IS SEEING. What we believe in our hearts and minds is what our reality becomes. Believing gives us the ability to see God. I personally know the truth in this … the more I have believed and put my faith in a living God, the more I have seen His awesome works all around me. There are many things I would not have seen if I had not first believed. We cannot encounter God unless we expect Him to act. We will encounter God when we look forward with great expectations of what He can do.
Another point that struck me is to pursue what is really important. So often we say things like, “let’s get this stuff done so that we can….” Or maybe it is something like, “I will get to that after I just do this…” I need to make the important stuff a priority. For me I have long struggled with paying off debt and using our finances to glorify God who provides for us so abundantly. We get side-tracked by things we want and stuff we ‘need’. I have trouble sticking to a budget and end up with too many excuses why a family of six causes that. The truth is we will be able to do so much more if we first pay off our debt. God has shown us the importance of this and we need to finally make it a priority.
“The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field, which a man found and covered up. Then in his joy he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field. Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant in search of pearls, who on finding one pearl of great value, went and sold all that he had and bought it.” ~Matthew 13:44-46, ESV
In the first example, the treasure was found by chance, its value was seen, and it became a priority. He could have been so caught up in his own thoughts that he missed the evidence around him. In the second example the pearl was being sought out, but how often are we so used to going through the motions (in this case his constant looking at different pearls) that we miss something that is of value. So often we can become so focused on routine, that we miss something of great value. If our focus is on pursuing what is important, we are sure to see the little gems along the way.
My attitude adjustment has to begin with my focus of thinking. I have always heard to focus on the positive, and not surprisingly, there are many scriptures that give that same message. I tend to over-react and panic. When I am reacting to a situation I am not living expectantly of seeing His work. When I carry burdens I am not living expectantly of seeing His work.
I need to slow down, to give time to “stop, look and listen.” That is to stop from routine, look to His word, and listen for His guidance. I need to “stop, breathe, and think.” When I hear or see something that I may not agree with, I need to pause, breathe in His Spirit, and think about my choice. If I give Him time my life will not be a reaction, but a response. Through Him and changing my focus, my life will begin to show less bitterness and more of His abounding grace.
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Unraveling The Mystery...
MARCEEN'S UPDATE May 27, 2013
I need to add this to my previously written blogs as we have learned a lot more over the past five months. While all the symptoms that I noted were true, most of them were actually tied to artificial dyes, flavors and preservatives. Looking back, this was a time when we were occasionally giving Rebekah "Apple Jacks" cereal and other dairy free things. Apple Jacks alone has both dyes and preservatives that we are now removing from our diet.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I think I am writing this one out more for myself and documentation than anything, but as always, God is involved in some key points.
This is about Rebekah, re-flux, constant colds, eye infections, surgery, almost two more surgeries, and getting to the bottom of everything. So this is how it all played out.
Rebekah is our 4th child and because of that we probably all suffered a bit too long. Simply because I have been of the mind frame that children get sick, and have not pursued Rebekah's subtle issues too much. They just hardly ever seemed bad enough, but finally we seem to have an answer.
All my children had some re-flux issues but none were ever put on medication until Rebekah. At five weeks I could just tell she was in pain, she was raspy-like, gurgle-ly after feeding, but she was not spitting up a ton. We put her on medication and continued to increase the dose until she was at the max. This did help but was probably only putting tape on an issue that needed addressing. I was nursing her and had been recommended by friends to try going dairy free. I did drastically cut back dairy, but never did any food eliminations. Personally, watching a diet that much was just too hard for me and I was being selfish. We weened her off re-flux medication around six to seven months and she seemed fine, but then I weened her from nursing between 8 and 9 months.
When she started on formula she started to get more colds - or what I thought were colds. This caused her blocked tear duct to have more issues. When she was congested she would get eye infections and it was a vicious cycle. Between the very beginning of January through June she never went more than 2-3 weeks without cold like symptoms. Before her 9 month well visit I noticed the mild rash on her arms (which I originally thought was virus related) never really went away. I realized it was mild eczema and she only seemed to have it at the back of her neck and on her arms. So I mentioned this to her Pediatrician and she thought it could be a sensitivity to something she was eating. We were making her baby food so I knew she was not getting preservatives. Milk did not make sense to me because she had always had some dairy either through me or formula. I believe I was recommended to try some other formulas if it got worse but at that time I was not relating the constant colds to the eczema and everything just seemed like a low-grade issue. It was there but not enough that she was bothered by it.
As her year birthday became closer I set up the appointment with the Pediatric Ophthalmologist to have her tear duct procedure scheduled. I think I got lucky with getting the absolute best guy in the hospital. Rebekah was too big and too determined to fight so what could have been a simple office procedure ended up being an Out-Patient Surgery because she needed anesthesia. Having it done this way there would be no question that they got the tear ducts open. We saw him initially just before her 1st birthday with the surgery scheduled for July12th. The colds and infections persisted but now I was relating everything to her eyes. I thought since the tear ducts were blocked that this was allowing bacteria to constantly build causing her to constantly be sick. This still could have been part of the viscous cycle because she did have closed tear ducts, but I just was not looking at other factors. I took her in for her one year appointment and since she was sick, once again got eye drops and antibiotics for her. Again, I was so focused on her eye issues I did not really bring up the constant colds and eczema. I had just started her on milk and she was probably getting 2 ounces of milk in an 8 ounce bottle. Amazing to me now to realize this is when the "colds" started to get really bad.
So she had the surgery and the first few days was a huge difference. I was sure it worked and this would be the end of her constant colds. We continued to increase her milk and within two weeks I was finishing off the formula and giving her full milk. She started with a cold and her eyes started getting gummy as soon as we finished the post surgery eye-drops. I was crushed because if the tear duct surgery failed then she would need tubes put in, meaning two more surgeries under anesthesia. We were now two weeks post surgery and she had only needed eye drops for seven days. I called the Pediatric Ophthalmologist's office and I told them that I was seeing evidence of an eye infection coming on. They were able to get me in the following Wed (Aug 1st). By Sunday Rebekah was getting sick and her eye was looking rough. By Tuesday I would have normally gone in to the doctor's for her eye infection, but I knew I had an appointment at Children's Hospital the next morning. When we got there on Wednesday morning she was a mess. She was put on a strong antibiotic but no eye drops this time. The doctor and I talked for awhile about why this was happening. He said the tear duct could have closed back up, but she was also obviously sick so it was hard to determine. I told him the colds had pretty much been constant since February and getting worse. I asked him if he thought it could be from the blocked tear duct causing bacteria and making her sick. He said while there was no medical documentation of that I was not the first parent to ask, so I was still hanging to that theory. But he did say if she was really only getting a bad eye with the colds that I should look into other reasons first. He really did not want her to have the 2nd and 3rd surgeries needlessly. We set the surgery for the last Thursday in August (the 30th) and he told me that he hoped I would cancel it. Again he told me to think about allergies... again I said we make all her own food so there really was not anything strange she was getting.
The antibiotic cleared everything up, including her eye, but the horrible diaper rash that comes from an antibiotic persisted even after she was done with the antibiotic. We went out with some friend's on August 19th, and an experienced mom listened to all we were going through with Rebekah. I was questioning canceling the surgery, because her eye was better, but I knew as soon as she got another cold it would get infected again. At this point God gently reminded me that the doctor said if the eye infections only came with the colds that was not a reason for the surgery. When I talked about the cyclical colds my friend asked if I ever thought of food allergies. She also had been one to mention it to me when I was nursing and Rebekah had re-flux. She said she still thought there could be something more and God was using her to remind me there were other factors I had not considered. One week later, on August 26th we went to a new church. The lady in the day care, knowing none of Rebekah's history asked me if I looked into food allergies ever. She said her subtle rash and her fussiness of discomfort seemed to indicate to her that I should look into the possibility. I spoke with her a few minutes and told her all I could come up with was dairy, but that she had always had dairy, so the normal response is that it could not be a dairy allergy then.
That Tuesday, two days before Rebekah's surgery for getting the tubes in her tear ducts, I knew her eyes were not closing up enough to warrant the surgery at this time. Also, since I had been told three times to look into food allergies, I realized that this had to be something I should take more seriously. So Matt and I decided to cancel the surgery and reschedule if her eyes got bad. This is of course right when our family got hit with a bad virus in the house. Sabina, Rebekah, Matt and I all got sick. Rebekah's eye started to get infected and with my army supply of eye drops I determined she needed a middle strength and wiped that out before it got bad.
After this virus I knew I had to figure out the cause of Rebekah's issues. I posted some questions on a parenting group I have been a part of for over 11 years. After hearing many different stories, I decided to do a dairy elimination. The thing is that a whey protein sensitivity does not show up in allergy testing. But others confirmed this sensitivity had caused re-flux, eczema, and cold-like symptoms in their children. After trying a few different milk replacements we ended up going with Almond Milk. Rebekah was a trooper trying different things, but it came down to convenience of being able to find Almond Milk over rice milk. Because we still make baby food (and sometimes she eats what we eat for dinner now) I am able to make sure she is getting protein through other sources. Within a few days Rebekah's eczema was gone!! Even more importantly, her scratching her back like crazy and constant tugging at her ears (which she had done for months but never had an ear infection) stopped too. Oh, and the waking up at night with obvious stomach pain stopped too. We had some teething issues, but she would go right back to sleep. Grandma and Grandpa watched her the weekend of Sept 14th -16th. When we picked up Rebekah she had a break out on her face. Also, she had been up for several hours at night, happy, but wide awake. They promised they only gave her approved foods because they knew we were trying to figure out what was going on. The rash went away, and came back slightly about a week later. At this time I realized some of her puffy snacks had milk proteins in them. I questioned if she could really be that sensitive but decided to eliminate those for a bit too. Looking back, this must have been what Rebekah had that weekend, possibly even causing her night waking for several hours. It had been unusual enough that Matt's mom was sure to tell me how long she had been up and that it seemed odd to her.
So this brings us up to yesterday. In the afternoon at some point Rebekah grabbed my "empty" milk glass and "drank" it. I did not think too much of it. After all, she could not have gotten that much milk. As we were headed out for church Rebekah got really fussy and the nose started running again. We have some sniffles in the house so I have not thought too much of it. Matt decided to stay home with Rebekah since we did not think she would go to the nursery with this sudden fussiness. He said she was fine with attention and snuggling but then Rebekah woke up at 2 am - wide awake! I gave her a bottle to calm her but she wanted nothing to do with going back to bed. She almost seemed crazy, hyper, and wanted to run all over. Wide awake! (Seems like what Matt's mom described from a few weeks ago.) Matt put her back to bed and she fussed on and off until he went and got her at 3:30 am. I do not think she ever was sleeping. It was about another 45 minutes to an hour until she settled down for him. At 7:00 am she was back up and fussy. As I was rocking her I noticed she was really gassy so I gave her some gas drops. That settled her down a little bit, but she just seemed in pain. Her cheeks are bright red with eczema so I began to rack my brain about what she ate yesterday. She got the runs 3 times this morning and even felt like she had a low-grade fever. I knew she must have had some milk yesterday and even wondered if I put milk in a bottle yesterday instead of Almond Milk. Thankfully God helped me to recall her drinking from my glass. But such a little amount??? Today she was scratching her back like crazy and tugging at her ears. This has not happened in over three weeks. Again, I turned to my mommy friends that have been so wonderful and again they told me that if she is sensitive to the whey protein even the minute amount in the puffy snacks could have caused the subtle reactions over the past few weeks, and a few drops of milk definitely could have caused this bigger reaction between last night and today.
So we seem to have an answer and I am not not going to be the one to test this theory for awhile. It seems to be a sensitivity to whey protein. This is not something that will show up in allergy testing, but thankfully all my friends who have dealt with it to varying degrees have said most children will out grow it. It took a year of God using other people to remind me to look into food related issues. I pray that this will be our answer to her constant colds and Rebekah can finally know what it feels like to have a body that feels good! She has been such a happy girl through this discovery and more so each day. So seeing her such a "mess" today was really hard to see knowing it could have been prevented. Also, nothing much we can do but let it work its way out of her system.
I guess I am just going to really have to read labels and make sure there are no milk proteins at all. It could be much worse as I know so many people who have to eliminate much more from their child's diet. But I am just so thankful after reflecting on everything today that we did not go through with the tubes for her tear ducts. Also that I am now able to "see" how the more dairy she got, first through formula, and then through milk, that the colds got worse at the same ratio. And in the long run, something that she had from the very beginning, really could be an issue all along.
I need to add this to my previously written blogs as we have learned a lot more over the past five months. While all the symptoms that I noted were true, most of them were actually tied to artificial dyes, flavors and preservatives. Looking back, this was a time when we were occasionally giving Rebekah "Apple Jacks" cereal and other dairy free things. Apple Jacks alone has both dyes and preservatives that we are now removing from our diet.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I think I am writing this one out more for myself and documentation than anything, but as always, God is involved in some key points.
This is about Rebekah, re-flux, constant colds, eye infections, surgery, almost two more surgeries, and getting to the bottom of everything. So this is how it all played out.
Rebekah is our 4th child and because of that we probably all suffered a bit too long. Simply because I have been of the mind frame that children get sick, and have not pursued Rebekah's subtle issues too much. They just hardly ever seemed bad enough, but finally we seem to have an answer.
All my children had some re-flux issues but none were ever put on medication until Rebekah. At five weeks I could just tell she was in pain, she was raspy-like, gurgle-ly after feeding, but she was not spitting up a ton. We put her on medication and continued to increase the dose until she was at the max. This did help but was probably only putting tape on an issue that needed addressing. I was nursing her and had been recommended by friends to try going dairy free. I did drastically cut back dairy, but never did any food eliminations. Personally, watching a diet that much was just too hard for me and I was being selfish. We weened her off re-flux medication around six to seven months and she seemed fine, but then I weened her from nursing between 8 and 9 months.
When she started on formula she started to get more colds - or what I thought were colds. This caused her blocked tear duct to have more issues. When she was congested she would get eye infections and it was a vicious cycle. Between the very beginning of January through June she never went more than 2-3 weeks without cold like symptoms. Before her 9 month well visit I noticed the mild rash on her arms (which I originally thought was virus related) never really went away. I realized it was mild eczema and she only seemed to have it at the back of her neck and on her arms. So I mentioned this to her Pediatrician and she thought it could be a sensitivity to something she was eating. We were making her baby food so I knew she was not getting preservatives. Milk did not make sense to me because she had always had some dairy either through me or formula. I believe I was recommended to try some other formulas if it got worse but at that time I was not relating the constant colds to the eczema and everything just seemed like a low-grade issue. It was there but not enough that she was bothered by it.
As her year birthday became closer I set up the appointment with the Pediatric Ophthalmologist to have her tear duct procedure scheduled. I think I got lucky with getting the absolute best guy in the hospital. Rebekah was too big and too determined to fight so what could have been a simple office procedure ended up being an Out-Patient Surgery because she needed anesthesia. Having it done this way there would be no question that they got the tear ducts open. We saw him initially just before her 1st birthday with the surgery scheduled for July12th. The colds and infections persisted but now I was relating everything to her eyes. I thought since the tear ducts were blocked that this was allowing bacteria to constantly build causing her to constantly be sick. This still could have been part of the viscous cycle because she did have closed tear ducts, but I just was not looking at other factors. I took her in for her one year appointment and since she was sick, once again got eye drops and antibiotics for her. Again, I was so focused on her eye issues I did not really bring up the constant colds and eczema. I had just started her on milk and she was probably getting 2 ounces of milk in an 8 ounce bottle. Amazing to me now to realize this is when the "colds" started to get really bad.
So she had the surgery and the first few days was a huge difference. I was sure it worked and this would be the end of her constant colds. We continued to increase her milk and within two weeks I was finishing off the formula and giving her full milk. She started with a cold and her eyes started getting gummy as soon as we finished the post surgery eye-drops. I was crushed because if the tear duct surgery failed then she would need tubes put in, meaning two more surgeries under anesthesia. We were now two weeks post surgery and she had only needed eye drops for seven days. I called the Pediatric Ophthalmologist's office and I told them that I was seeing evidence of an eye infection coming on. They were able to get me in the following Wed (Aug 1st). By Sunday Rebekah was getting sick and her eye was looking rough. By Tuesday I would have normally gone in to the doctor's for her eye infection, but I knew I had an appointment at Children's Hospital the next morning. When we got there on Wednesday morning she was a mess. She was put on a strong antibiotic but no eye drops this time. The doctor and I talked for awhile about why this was happening. He said the tear duct could have closed back up, but she was also obviously sick so it was hard to determine. I told him the colds had pretty much been constant since February and getting worse. I asked him if he thought it could be from the blocked tear duct causing bacteria and making her sick. He said while there was no medical documentation of that I was not the first parent to ask, so I was still hanging to that theory. But he did say if she was really only getting a bad eye with the colds that I should look into other reasons first. He really did not want her to have the 2nd and 3rd surgeries needlessly. We set the surgery for the last Thursday in August (the 30th) and he told me that he hoped I would cancel it. Again he told me to think about allergies... again I said we make all her own food so there really was not anything strange she was getting.
The antibiotic cleared everything up, including her eye, but the horrible diaper rash that comes from an antibiotic persisted even after she was done with the antibiotic. We went out with some friend's on August 19th, and an experienced mom listened to all we were going through with Rebekah. I was questioning canceling the surgery, because her eye was better, but I knew as soon as she got another cold it would get infected again. At this point God gently reminded me that the doctor said if the eye infections only came with the colds that was not a reason for the surgery. When I talked about the cyclical colds my friend asked if I ever thought of food allergies. She also had been one to mention it to me when I was nursing and Rebekah had re-flux. She said she still thought there could be something more and God was using her to remind me there were other factors I had not considered. One week later, on August 26th we went to a new church. The lady in the day care, knowing none of Rebekah's history asked me if I looked into food allergies ever. She said her subtle rash and her fussiness of discomfort seemed to indicate to her that I should look into the possibility. I spoke with her a few minutes and told her all I could come up with was dairy, but that she had always had dairy, so the normal response is that it could not be a dairy allergy then.
That Tuesday, two days before Rebekah's surgery for getting the tubes in her tear ducts, I knew her eyes were not closing up enough to warrant the surgery at this time. Also, since I had been told three times to look into food allergies, I realized that this had to be something I should take more seriously. So Matt and I decided to cancel the surgery and reschedule if her eyes got bad. This is of course right when our family got hit with a bad virus in the house. Sabina, Rebekah, Matt and I all got sick. Rebekah's eye started to get infected and with my army supply of eye drops I determined she needed a middle strength and wiped that out before it got bad.
After this virus I knew I had to figure out the cause of Rebekah's issues. I posted some questions on a parenting group I have been a part of for over 11 years. After hearing many different stories, I decided to do a dairy elimination. The thing is that a whey protein sensitivity does not show up in allergy testing. But others confirmed this sensitivity had caused re-flux, eczema, and cold-like symptoms in their children. After trying a few different milk replacements we ended up going with Almond Milk. Rebekah was a trooper trying different things, but it came down to convenience of being able to find Almond Milk over rice milk. Because we still make baby food (and sometimes she eats what we eat for dinner now) I am able to make sure she is getting protein through other sources. Within a few days Rebekah's eczema was gone!! Even more importantly, her scratching her back like crazy and constant tugging at her ears (which she had done for months but never had an ear infection) stopped too. Oh, and the waking up at night with obvious stomach pain stopped too. We had some teething issues, but she would go right back to sleep. Grandma and Grandpa watched her the weekend of Sept 14th -16th. When we picked up Rebekah she had a break out on her face. Also, she had been up for several hours at night, happy, but wide awake. They promised they only gave her approved foods because they knew we were trying to figure out what was going on. The rash went away, and came back slightly about a week later. At this time I realized some of her puffy snacks had milk proteins in them. I questioned if she could really be that sensitive but decided to eliminate those for a bit too. Looking back, this must have been what Rebekah had that weekend, possibly even causing her night waking for several hours. It had been unusual enough that Matt's mom was sure to tell me how long she had been up and that it seemed odd to her.
So this brings us up to yesterday. In the afternoon at some point Rebekah grabbed my "empty" milk glass and "drank" it. I did not think too much of it. After all, she could not have gotten that much milk. As we were headed out for church Rebekah got really fussy and the nose started running again. We have some sniffles in the house so I have not thought too much of it. Matt decided to stay home with Rebekah since we did not think she would go to the nursery with this sudden fussiness. He said she was fine with attention and snuggling but then Rebekah woke up at 2 am - wide awake! I gave her a bottle to calm her but she wanted nothing to do with going back to bed. She almost seemed crazy, hyper, and wanted to run all over. Wide awake! (Seems like what Matt's mom described from a few weeks ago.) Matt put her back to bed and she fussed on and off until he went and got her at 3:30 am. I do not think she ever was sleeping. It was about another 45 minutes to an hour until she settled down for him. At 7:00 am she was back up and fussy. As I was rocking her I noticed she was really gassy so I gave her some gas drops. That settled her down a little bit, but she just seemed in pain. Her cheeks are bright red with eczema so I began to rack my brain about what she ate yesterday. She got the runs 3 times this morning and even felt like she had a low-grade fever. I knew she must have had some milk yesterday and even wondered if I put milk in a bottle yesterday instead of Almond Milk. Thankfully God helped me to recall her drinking from my glass. But such a little amount??? Today she was scratching her back like crazy and tugging at her ears. This has not happened in over three weeks. Again, I turned to my mommy friends that have been so wonderful and again they told me that if she is sensitive to the whey protein even the minute amount in the puffy snacks could have caused the subtle reactions over the past few weeks, and a few drops of milk definitely could have caused this bigger reaction between last night and today.
So we seem to have an answer and I am not not going to be the one to test this theory for awhile. It seems to be a sensitivity to whey protein. This is not something that will show up in allergy testing, but thankfully all my friends who have dealt with it to varying degrees have said most children will out grow it. It took a year of God using other people to remind me to look into food related issues. I pray that this will be our answer to her constant colds and Rebekah can finally know what it feels like to have a body that feels good! She has been such a happy girl through this discovery and more so each day. So seeing her such a "mess" today was really hard to see knowing it could have been prevented. Also, nothing much we can do but let it work its way out of her system.
I guess I am just going to really have to read labels and make sure there are no milk proteins at all. It could be much worse as I know so many people who have to eliminate much more from their child's diet. But I am just so thankful after reflecting on everything today that we did not go through with the tubes for her tear ducts. Also that I am now able to "see" how the more dairy she got, first through formula, and then through milk, that the colds got worse at the same ratio. And in the long run, something that she had from the very beginning, really could be an issue all along.
Saturday, September 22, 2012
The Unveiling of a Perfectionist
If I had tried to write two days ago, I would have had no idea where to begin. I have so many stories, most scattered in my head, some scattered on paper, and a few on files in the computer from years ago. But today it is easy to know where to start.
Yesterday morning, while at Bible study, we were discussing what it means to be "pure and blameless" (Philippians 1:13). One of the ladies spoke of trying to help teenage girls to be pure. I immediately thought of the book "Pure: A 90-Day Devotional for the Mind, the Body & the Spirit" by Rebecca St. James. I knew I had a copy that was never written in, and my thought was that maybe this lady could use some of the things in the devotionals to share with the teenage girls.
When I got home, I remembered about the book, so I went and found it. My thought was to put it with my Bible study folder so that I would remember to give it to my friend next Thursday. When I found the book on the shelf I was given the sense (Holy Spirit) that I needed to do this devotional. Of course my reaction in my mind was to argue with this feeling: "I had looked at the book previously, and it had been sitting on the shelf for two years. I have been convicted of many things that have made my life more pure over the years, and there is a whole section just for purity of Body that would be irrelevant since I am married." Still, that quiet prompting came again that I should read it. I have learned not to argue back as much as I did when I first started hearing from the Spirit, so I put the devotional with my Bible for later.
Last night the children were watching a movie, Matt and I both sat on the bed to read. I told Matt that I had pulled out the devotional to pass along to someone at church but then God was prompting me to read it. Matt wondered what I needed to be pure about, joking about a novel many women are currently reading. I reassured him that my long time conviction on media (music, TV, novels, movies, etc.) had not wavered - all of those things do influence the purity of my thoughts. I just simply said that I did not know why I had to read it, but I guess God would show me something. I had no idea it would only take a few more minutes...
Our conversation turned towards my study, what I had learned, and what I thought about the influence of our new church. When I had been preparing for the study I had been confused by some related scriptures that I should have known the differences of the settings. It was just the way the scriptures were presented, that even though I knew they took place in different settings (different accounts of Paul being in jail), I suddenly thought that they were the same setting. The only reason for you to know this background is because I was telling Matt how stupid I felt. I suddenly confused scriptures I have known. If I had done this at my old church it would not been a big deal. Those women knew me and we had shared discussions for three years, but here these women are just getting to know me and I was frustrated to sound "so dumb" on the first day of discussion. God was again revealing to me how concerned I am with how others view me.
So feeling inadequate and wanting to get away from that feeling, I flipped open the devotional and read day 1. I really like the introduction, and the author's personal experience on Day One, but when it comes to applying it to my personal life I do not much like day 1. I suddenly remembered why I never read on last time. Day One is to be in tune with God's purpose for your life. If you do not know what God's purpose is for you, you should pray for God to reveal it to you. My thought is "I do not know my purpose" and get frustrated. Of course I then begin to feel like a failure, because I am almost 39 years old and I do not know my life's purpose on this earth.
About this time Matt tried to talk to me again - he said there was a discontent about me. (really God??? You were just not going to leave me to dwell in my misery today...) So I shared with Matt that I did not much like Day One because I do not know God's purpose for me, but "I guess I should just pray about it." I was about to put the devotional down (I did day one right? This is a 90 day devotional...) when I felt I needed to read day 2. (just another nudge...) I thought it could not be worse than not having a purpose, so I opened the book up again.
Day 2 begins, like the others, with the author's personal experience. Rebecca writes of a time in her life when she learned enough about her God-worth that it finally started to replace her self-worth. She writes:
Yesterday morning, while at Bible study, we were discussing what it means to be "pure and blameless" (Philippians 1:13). One of the ladies spoke of trying to help teenage girls to be pure. I immediately thought of the book "Pure: A 90-Day Devotional for the Mind, the Body & the Spirit" by Rebecca St. James. I knew I had a copy that was never written in, and my thought was that maybe this lady could use some of the things in the devotionals to share with the teenage girls.
When I got home, I remembered about the book, so I went and found it. My thought was to put it with my Bible study folder so that I would remember to give it to my friend next Thursday. When I found the book on the shelf I was given the sense (Holy Spirit) that I needed to do this devotional. Of course my reaction in my mind was to argue with this feeling: "I had looked at the book previously, and it had been sitting on the shelf for two years. I have been convicted of many things that have made my life more pure over the years, and there is a whole section just for purity of Body that would be irrelevant since I am married." Still, that quiet prompting came again that I should read it. I have learned not to argue back as much as I did when I first started hearing from the Spirit, so I put the devotional with my Bible for later.
Last night the children were watching a movie, Matt and I both sat on the bed to read. I told Matt that I had pulled out the devotional to pass along to someone at church but then God was prompting me to read it. Matt wondered what I needed to be pure about, joking about a novel many women are currently reading. I reassured him that my long time conviction on media (music, TV, novels, movies, etc.) had not wavered - all of those things do influence the purity of my thoughts. I just simply said that I did not know why I had to read it, but I guess God would show me something. I had no idea it would only take a few more minutes...
Our conversation turned towards my study, what I had learned, and what I thought about the influence of our new church. When I had been preparing for the study I had been confused by some related scriptures that I should have known the differences of the settings. It was just the way the scriptures were presented, that even though I knew they took place in different settings (different accounts of Paul being in jail), I suddenly thought that they were the same setting. The only reason for you to know this background is because I was telling Matt how stupid I felt. I suddenly confused scriptures I have known. If I had done this at my old church it would not been a big deal. Those women knew me and we had shared discussions for three years, but here these women are just getting to know me and I was frustrated to sound "so dumb" on the first day of discussion. God was again revealing to me how concerned I am with how others view me.
So feeling inadequate and wanting to get away from that feeling, I flipped open the devotional and read day 1. I really like the introduction, and the author's personal experience on Day One, but when it comes to applying it to my personal life I do not much like day 1. I suddenly remembered why I never read on last time. Day One is to be in tune with God's purpose for your life. If you do not know what God's purpose is for you, you should pray for God to reveal it to you. My thought is "I do not know my purpose" and get frustrated. Of course I then begin to feel like a failure, because I am almost 39 years old and I do not know my life's purpose on this earth.
About this time Matt tried to talk to me again - he said there was a discontent about me. (really God??? You were just not going to leave me to dwell in my misery today...) So I shared with Matt that I did not much like Day One because I do not know God's purpose for me, but "I guess I should just pray about it." I was about to put the devotional down (I did day one right? This is a 90 day devotional...) when I felt I needed to read day 2. (just another nudge...) I thought it could not be worse than not having a purpose, so I opened the book up again.
Day 2 begins, like the others, with the author's personal experience. Rebecca writes of a time in her life when she learned enough about her God-worth that it finally started to replace her self-worth. She writes:
One of the things I had to confront in my life was the issue of perfectionism. When you are a perfectionist, you tend either to push yourself all the time to be better or to go into failure mode and give up, believing that you'll never succeed. My tendency was to live with a sense that God was disappointed in me - that I was not good enough.
So that is it, I am a perfectionist! I would have never thought that, and if someone tried to tell me (maybe a few have) I would not have listened. God took an entire day to prepare my heart to hear these words. I would have never thought of myself as a perfectionist because I do not try to be perfect - no instead I just do not try at all because I do not want to fall short of how I imagine it should turn out. I suddenly could see perfectionism in all areas of my life - and why I always end up feeling not good enough. I have a lot of self-worth to begin to replace.
And as for Day 1, I do believe I know God's purpose for me. I believe God has prompted me, used family and friends to affirm my gifts, and even the occasional stranger to make a statement that could only be the Holy Spirit speaking through them. It has just been easier to deny it, or claim that can't be all He wants from me, then to try to give Him what I can. God wants me to share my stories. But there has always been a reason to not write - and most often it has something to do with me feeling I will not have the correct words so that people can truly sense the experience I had - so I chose to do nothing. (oh that perfectionist in me!)
So here it is, my journey into writing begins... no excuses, because God does not need a perfectionist.
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