Choosing Joy

I originally wrote this on August 8, 2008  ... all dates and ages correspond from that day.  :)
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This whole past week my thoughts have been consumed with the death of James and what his entire family has been through. In my reflection I have felt so much joy because I know in all of James’s trying life that is the only thing that Laura ever focused on. That is not to say that she didn't struggle with moments of frustration, anger and doubt, but whenever I spoke to her it was always JOY that my heart was left with.

Fourteen years ago Laura and Brian were expecting their first child. It was a perfectly healthy and normal pregnancy. On February 14, 1995, something went wrong during the delivery. I pause to think of the commercials I see here... "If you think your child's cerebral palsy is due to a doctor's mistake..." here we are encouraged to sue, to hold on to our mad. James’s was not only left with cerebral palsy, but a quadriplegic. When Laura shared the story with me it was the next part of the story that she emphasized. James was the first person life flighted from their rural hospital to the city. The hospital had just gotten the new helicopter; if it had not been for the new helicopter, than they would never had James at all. Laura and Brian still had a precious new life to hold on to and to love. They choose to focus on the joy and wonder that God had given to them instead of the “what ifs” had things gone differently.

I had the privilege of meeting James in the summer of 2004. Laura was certain, even back then, that James was very aware of things going on around him. He could not speak, but he could smile. He could not say no, but his eyes could answer questions. He wanted to see a specific episode of “Veggie Tales” that day. After Laura rambled off a couple of titles, his smile lit up the room when she said the one that was on his mind. James loved getting high fives, and his smile warmed my heart when I got to smack his hand with enthusiasm!

About two years ago Laura and I had a long conversation about a tough choice she and Brian were facing. They lived in rural Canada, about two hours outside of London in Ontario. In the city of London there were great opportunities for James. She knew his young mind was developed beyond what he could express. James also loved to swim; A place where he was not strapped into a chair (because he would fall out if not strapped in). In the water he could float around and his arms and legs could be free. In the city of London there would be a pool available to him daily. Moving was not an option for the family, so the option became a home share program. James moved in with another family in the London area, Monday – Friday, where he could get outstanding medical services and education. He would then come home on the weekends. After struggling with the decision of letting James go, she had to do what was best for him. A few months ago Laura was able to write about all the awesome achievements that James was making. Through medical technology she was finally getting proof of how intelligent James truly was! She was so excited that James was able to express himself and share so much with the world.

A few days ago I was able to read and excerpt from the book Soul Revolution by John Burke. The excerpt was titled “Two dates and dash.” The point was we don’t have a choice about the date we are born, or the date that we die; but we can do everything about what that dash in between those dates’ means.

The dash between the dates below is full of love and joy. Those are the things that Brian and Laura chose to share with James and that is the life that he knew. His smile will forever warm my heart.

James Daniel Ross
February 14, 1995-August 4, 2008

Dressember!

So God put it on my heart to to do this Dressember thing .... I really did not want to, but here I am.

Dressember, to my surprise, started off as a fashion thing of sorts.  The two ladies who started it wanted to bring back femininity and wear a dress, any dress, every single day in December.

I only heard of Dressember this year when the raising awareness and money for the "International Justice Mission" were added to the event.

I decided not only would I wear a dress every single day in December, I would be wearing the same dress every day!  Mostly because I only have one that fits comfortably, but truly, it does attract a LOT more attention when people start to see you in the same dress over and over!  For me, this is about bringing awareness to something many people have not even really ever heard of - or just brushed off as something that does not happen here.

I really do not like asking people for money, and I already did that once this year, but raising awareness for Human Trafficking has been on my heart for several years.

A few years ago I learned how young girls were being abducted and used in sexual slavery right here in the United States.  Not only that, Detroit and Toledo were among the largest Human Trafficking hubs in the United States.  Young girls are lured away (or even one story that was shared, going to a party with a newer friend!), drugged, and moved out of the State so they have no idea where they are.

Recently (like this just happened in November) one of Matt's friends had her daughter and her daughter's friend at Great Lakes Crossing.  At ages 15 & 16 the mom agreed they could go and watch a movie while shopping was happening.  They are very lucky their daughter and her friend came out of that movie.  The girls were "friended" by a lady sitting behind them.  Casual conversation led to being offered candy.  (hmmmm.... starburst would have been my downfall!!)  They declined but a little bit later the lady brought out some hair accessories and tried to sell them.  This all just in the short time before the movie started.  The girls decided to get up and report the lady.  Upon return, the lady was gone.  Feeling suspicious, a police report was filed.  It was then revealed that a "dust" is sometimes used on packaging to make the young girls a bit drugged... so that they can be casually walked out of the theater and taken away.  This not some guys luring your daughter into a car anymore!

There are lots of stories on the internet if you choose to educate yourself.  They are heartbreaking!

If you want to learn more about the International Justice Mission - which is a legal group helping with Injustice in other countries, which includes freeing women and children from sexual slavery, you can click on my link here... http://www.ijm.org/

If you would like to donate $5 or more to my fundraising, you can donate through my site here...
https://www.ijmfreedommaker.org/campaign/2241/Dressember-for-IJM/

Thank you for your time!!
Love, Marceen

Over Coming Obstacles

Many of you know by now that I will be doing the Warrior Dash on August 3rd with my awesome friend Stacy!!  I am very excited about this journey because I have decided to raise money for St. Jude's Children's hospital in the process.  What most of you do not know is truly how physically hard this could be on me.  Let me tell you, if I had to run it today I would be lucky to come in under two hours - unless I end up skipping obstacles after many tries - but that is not my intention.  Let me try to paint a picture for you, but first, realize this is a picture I am truly only learning the layers to myself.

I am not even sure where to begin because I have been only given fragments of pieces myself.  The first piece I can remember being revealed is when I went for speech therapy in the 9^th grade.  I had nodules on my vocal cords that the doctor felt therapy could help.  I already had surgery on my vocal cords when I was only 5 years old so I have a raspy voice because of it.  More surgery would mean more scarring to the vocal cords and an even further change in my voice.  Anyway, during speech therapy I was told I do not breathe correctly, only using the top third of my lungs completely and the middle section only somewhat.  The muscles around the deepest valves to my lungs are shriveled up doing nothing.  At the time I did some vocal exercises and breathing exercises for awhile, which help enough to wear down the size of my nodules and no surgery was needed.  I was encouraged to keep on with the breathing exercises so that my muscles would not return to their shrivel status, but in a short time they were forgotten.

When I was 18 years old I joined a gym.  I was a decent weight for my height, mostly because I was on my own and did not eat much of anything.  I was only about 125 lbs. back then.  I remember having a free fitness test done and it was commented on how very low my muscle tone was.  Joining another gym when I was 20 years old, and still then, I was again told my muscles tone to fat ratio was way off balance for my weight.  I never had money for a personal trainer so I never really understood what this meant and quickly forgot about it.

Last year in April I joined group training with a personal trainer.  This is the YMCA’s program to gives you the benefit of a personal trainer at a lower cost.  When I went through my personal set up with weight, measurements and the whole deal, I also got this machine which read my body fat percentage.  While my BMI was in the overweight category, this machine showed I had such little muscle that I was actually in the obese category.

In May of last year, seeing my new primary care doctor and trying to get the medication I liked best for my ADD, she insisted I have an EKG done first.  Well, she did not like the pattern in my EKG and sent me to a cardiologist.  My cardiologist was very impressed that my doctor even caught the glitch in my heartbeat.  It is there, but my heartbeat looks the exact same every time.  It is an always present imperfect pattern.  It ended up being diagnosed as a short PR (pulmonary rate).  Really he said it is Wolff–Parkinson–White syndrome (WPW) but he will not put that on my file because it tends to freak other doctors out.  The good news that I am asymptomatic – not showing any symptoms.  After doing a stress test and getting my heart rate up over 200 beats per minute, my doctor noted how much better my heart and lungs performed after the stress test than prior to it.  So what I am supposed to do is get my heart rate over 85% of max almost daily to keep my health up and stay asymptomatic. 

 

I have attempted many times to start exercise programs, and have always come up short.  I get so tired, so exhausted, that when I begin an exercise program I usually come home and want to sit for hours and do nothing.  Actually, anytime I do anything for a couple of hours, even running errands, I come home exhausted and want to sit and do nothing. 

 

I recently joined a class at Running Fit in Ann Arbor called “Running 101.”  Having the class made me accountable.  The first week I wanted to quit so many times.  I sit on the pavement and nearly cry.  My muscles lock up and I have to stop and stretch them out often.  Having this class and having to push myself beyond where I normally give up, I have realized how much the lack of oxygen and low muscle development effect me.  The good news is by the start of week two I was feeling so much better!!  Instead of constantly being exhausted and wanting to sit around, I was actually getting some energy after I exercised 5 of 7 days. 

 

Then I took two days off and it was like starting over.  I was mentally reminded that I have to be consistent with my exercising and breathing or my muscles go right back to where they have always been.  Maybe after months of building up my muscles I will be able to take a couple of days off, but not now. They are a shriveled up mass and want to stay that way.

 

Of course right when I started to do well I have been hit with a yucky virus.  Sinus infection, coughing, the runs (and not the running I should be doing) and it has gone on and on… I have not run in five days now.  It once again will be like starting over.  I am really bummed to have missed the week three class too!!  It was the best one on stretches!  So when it comes to my fitness, I feel like I am constantly over coming hurdles.  But I know for my overall health, and to keep my WPW asymptomatic, it will be worth it to constantly fight them. 

 

So I have this crazy race, this “Warrior Dash” scheduled only five weeks from now.  I have a long way to go on building up some arm strength if I want to be able to pull myself up or pull up a friend on any of those obstacles!  But I finally realize that if I give myself just 20 minutes a day, and get past the first week, I will get the energy I need to keep going.  I am just not sure how to deal with getting sick and I surely need to get better before I can truly restart now!

Sleepless Nights can bring fruitful mornings...

3:51 AM found me looking at the time again.  I had awaken at 3:19 and had been tossing and turning.  It was time to get out of bed, something I rarely do, but I knew Matt did not need the disturbed sleep.  My rule is usually to stay in bed and close my eyes - pray - and eventually sleep will come.  But last night I just got out of bed, grabbed my phone and sat in our "Lazy Boy" chair.  

After catching up on my "Words with Friends" and "Scramble," I began to scroll through Facebook.  I came across the status of a friend I met via the internet years ago when I was pregnant with Cathan.  Although we never met face to face, we did share phone calls, laughter and tears years ago.  She used her Facebook status to come clean, admit addiction and make a cry for help.  It was brutal honesty, not only for friends and family that needed to hear, but for herself - whom she admitted she was afraid to face without the alcohol.  

It got me thinking about my own addictions.  Though through the years I have never turned to obvious addictions such as alcohol, drugs or food, I have always found a way to make my own escapes from reality, and not do what I ought to be doing.  

Addictions are tough, because as my friend admitted she realizes she cannot have one drink, not a single one; because there is no “just one” when it comes to drinking and what it triggers.  I have found my “escapism” -as I have come to call it over the years- just as challenging.  For me I turn to less harmful things outwardly, but the results can still destroy relationships.  It has been different things at different points in my life, soap operas, reading, plenty of other T.V. shows, computer games, mom’s groups (I am great at giving others advice and showing love and encouragement in lives I am not personally touching), Xbox games, Facebook, phone games, etc.

These are easy to justify as “me” time.  Many times when I would try to talk about it, I would hear – well, you have to have some time for yourself.  Reading is fine… it is OK to go on Facebook to see pictures… You words are inspiring and encouraging… You need to have your time too… You do so much with your children that you need to find time for yourself.  With an alcoholic, the addiction is clear – no drinks, not even one – but I have long struggled with how to manage my “fun” time without it turning into constant escaping.  I cannot tell you how many times I have fasted from one thing, only to turn to another. 

And while drugs or alcohol addictions may hurt so many on so many levels, my family also has suffered from my selfishness with my time.  Besides the obvious of things not getting done around the house, my children have been asked to wait for my attention while I played one more round of “Scramble” or one more word on “Words with Friends.”  If they were asked what the most important thing to their mom is right now, they might easily answer that my phone is – and that is a scary thing.  I know Matt has often mentioned how I often bury my head in my phone every ten minutes.  And while lately I have not been nearly as bad as other times in my life, I am yet given another wake-up call.  

So how does one with an addictive personality take time for me?  I am not sure I can.  I am not sure that I could ever just play one game from time to time.  There is always a new score to beat or even a new word to learn.  The latter is my biggest excuse for “Words with Friends” because I am continuing to learn new words and definitions.  By the way, I do have to tangent and share just one... the word evite is actually an archaic word meaning “avoid.”  I love the irony in that!  So send out that evites to all your parties ;)

Back to my addictions… they all seem to fall into forms of “amusement.”  I recently heard that the word “amuse” means “to not think.”  Now I cannot find the origins of that myself, but I do seem similar ideas within the definition of the word amuse:  to divert attention in a joyful manner, to pass time agreeably, to puzzle or to distract.  I like puzzles, because solving them makes me feel successful.  I like word games, because they make me feel intelligent.  Who would not wanted to have their attention diverted from housework and things that need to get done?  But I really do see how being “amused” is really “to not think.”  Maybe I am thinking in some ways, as to how I might solve a puzzle or learn a new definition, but I am using whatever source I am escaping with to “not think” about what really needs to get done.

I have recently been reading the book of Ezra and it has been speaking to me on how these people found joy in the work they were doing.  This concept is nothing new to me, but again I am praying that I can find enjoyment in the everyday work I do for God and my family.

Today, for Father’s Day, our minister spoke on breaking dysfunctional cycles.  It was very fitting for me with all I have been thinking and praying about.  We also sang a song that has been speaking to me every time I sing it for the past six months.  In this season of my life, I keep singing these words…

“Oh Lord You've searched me 
You know my way 
Even when I fail You 
I know You love me”

I may not know how to overcome these habits but I know that God, my Heavenly Father, knows how He created me – He knows my ways.  Even when I constantly fail in showing His love and grace to my husband and children, He still loves me.  I can have hope in the fact that if I ask him to order my days, He will.  If I seek Him first, He will make my paths straight. 

When I think about coming forward with my addictive personality, Satan loves to interject with how people will view me differently.  It was so fitting when our minister closed with these words:

“There is something more important than pride or dignity – that is restoration.” – Mark McGilvrey

So I pray to God that He can restore me and my relationships through His love.  May you also find restoration beneath the loving presence of His shielding wings.

A Missionary's story...

Sometimes we get to hear from a missionary, and how the pieces fit together in amazing ways!!  I absolutely love this talk and I promise that you will be inspired!
you can listen here...http://www.5milechurch.org/sermons/?sermon_id=82

The Watermelon Incident

On Monday I had the privilege of visiting two sweet women who mentored me through a Women's Bible study at my previous church.  I am getting good at packing up many food options for Rebekah on outings, but as I piled things into the van I somehow forgot the diaper bag.  It was a good thing one of the ladies has a daughter a couple of months older than Rebekah as I knew I would be able to change her diaper before the ride home.  The only semi-challenging part was half of Rebekah's food was in the diaper bag - and I was praising God it was only half and that I had options with me.

As lunchtime approached Rebekah was offered some watermelon.  My instant response was, "Yes!  Thank you, fruit is always a safe option."  It was then that I was instantly reminded (a prompting from the Holy Spirit) of a friend telling me that dyes have been used occasionally in fruits.  I dismissed this thought by reminding myself that I had looked that up in the past and I had confirmed dyes added to apples to make their skin more red/ripe looking, but I had not come across other fruit.

When the cut up watermelon was handed over, I exclaimed, "Look how red it is!"  Since I was too oblivious to hear my own words they were echoed by our mutual friend, "That really is some red watermelon."  (prompting number 2 which I just did not open my ears to hear.)

My friend's daughter, who sat across the table from me, had spread a white napkin out and a few pieces of watermelon were placed in front of her.  Instantly I saw the red liquid creep into the white napkin.  After a quick thought of "that is not normal" the enemy snuck in for the kill with a thought of "raspberries and strawberries do that, why not watermelon?  Still, I could not remember once seeing watermelon bleed like that....

Rebekah only ate one piece completely to my knowledge... she took a bite of a second and threw it on the floor, and then a bite of a third and threw it on the floor.  It is amazing how her body knows how to rebel against chemicals, even when her mind sees a food she is "allowed" to eat.  By the time I started my drive home, I realized the three warnings I had been given and dismissed.  I had to know and I did not want to wait the 40 minutes until I got home.  A quick call to Matthew and he confirmed that sometimes red dye is injected into watermelons to make them appear ripe.  (This is just one source I found:  http://articles.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/2012-05-12/kanpur/31678929_1_bright-red-shade-watermelons-harmful-colours)  ... by the way, this is edited:  most stories of dyes in watermelon seem to be in Asia and India.  It is not supposed to happen in the United States.  But sometimes, things happen... and this watermelon did appear very unnaturally red....

Not many people can even come close to understanding how the artificial dyes and preservatives can effect a child.  I am constantly surprised myself, even when I see the outcome.  I tried to dismiss Rebekah's cranky and uncomfortable afternoon to a cold/virus that was going through our family.  I tried to be hopeful for a good night's sleep by giving Rebekah some natural nighttime medicine that contained melatonin.  By midnight I heard her babbling, and crying on and off.  By 3 A.M. there was no more denying it.  Rebekah was restless and uncomfortable and crying with misery.  I brought her back to our bed which really translates to nobody gets sleep.  Rebekah tried her best to be still and I tried my best to relax her.  At one point she hit her head a few times while saying, "No, No, No!"  She knows she is supposed to be sleeping, and I can not even imagine what her body goes through.  My heart breaks as I think about the words from another blogger of a mom who's child reacts to dyes and I hear these words as if coming from Rebekah..."Monica ends up on the couch next to me, shaking and sobbing uncontrollably and asking me to make whatever is happening to her stop. Squirming and itching and rocking and crying, “Just make it stop, mom!” 

"Just make it stop, mom!"  I see it in her eyes.  I hear it in her self frustration saying, "No! No! No!"  How else can a 22 month old say it?  In the above quoted blog, http://www.allergykids.com/blog/seeing-red/, the episode lasts an hour... for Rebekah it still seems to be 72 hours before the cycle is completely done.  She goes through softer stools and a really bad rash.  She will also scratch her skin until it bleeds just where her nerve endings are at the middle lower part of her backside.  All these things seem to be part of her red dye reactions.  Even though I have read stories which confirms she is not alone, she seems to have the most extreme sensitivity to the littlest amount of dye.  It breaks my heart that after it starts there is absolutely nothing I can do to help her through it.  She only finds comfort in sleeping upright on her mommy or daddy for brief moments that get better after the 24 hour mark.

I am thankful some people in our lives are starting to "get it" as best they can.  I am thankful my mom has made 3-4 visits a month and has gotten many play by plays of what we have gone through.  As I went through this story yesterday with my mom, I started with "Rebekah got some red dye on Monday."  My mom wondered how on earth when we have been so careful.  "Watermelon" I said, and her instant response was "You are kidding me!"  There was not a single hint of speculation in her tone, but more of an astonished tone that it is now in a natural food.  She instantly followed up with "I can see how they would do that... making a melon appear ripe."  She is getting it, and for me that is a sense of peace.  Not having to defend myself or explain it in 100 ways.  Rebekah reacts to chemicals.  Since February we have only had two episodes Praise the LORD!  One from the BHT in Kellogg's cereals (which is not as severe as a dye reaction but still enough), and now the watermelon incident.

Here is to praying I can hear the warnings a little quicker next time.  Here's hoping to no more 72 hour episodes, ever!

Today's Blessings - June 22nd, 2011 (10:52 pm) - A blog from the past...

So an interesting thing I found on Facebook today, it is now highlighting some of my old "notes" from the past.  Though I am having some issues with a nice copy & paste for font size (I do very basic stuff on the computer), I wanted to share it on here.  Also, there are some points my medicated mind did not share clearly the first time, so this has been edited and revised.  I have made my new additions bold for now, until I can figure out font size and formatting.

Today's Blessings - June 22nd, 2011 (10:52 pm)

As I reflect on this early writing, I think I should give a preview to those jumping in on my first thoughts.  June 22, 2011 was our scheduled c-section of our fourth child.  Rebekah Colleene Gasperoni was born at 9:35 a.m. weighing in at 9 lbs 1 ounce.  Four hours after she was born she was taken to the "Special Care Nursery" and then on to the NICU where she would spend the first seven days of her life on strong antibiotics.  As a new mom, obviously I must have been feeling like it was not such the "great day" I thought it would be.  ..... 

Today might not seem like such a great day from the outside, but God's love and blessings have been shining through all day long.  That is what I have been focusing on and bringing me such peace through every minute.

The day started with lots of anxiety because I know I have not reacted well to pain medicines or surgeries in the past.  Never anything drastic, just bumps in the road.  In the past, Matt has been there when the epidural is set in for surgery.  This time he was not in the room when I was being given a spinal block.  I had one nurse in front of me telling me I needed to relax and slouch my back.  She kept telling me the needle was not going to go in correctly if I could not relax.  I was doing my best to try to relax but I was completely tense and the longer it was taking the more I was shaking.  Nothing like knowing one slip could paralyze you to make you shake!!  Another nurse, Maria, saw my need and told the first nurse she would stay with me and she could go back to triage - essentially switching patient positions (Maria had been with me in triage).  Once the first nurse left the room Maria held me close and told me to put my head on her shoulder.  She then was very quiet for a moment.  She did not say a word but I know I felt her praying over me.  I completely calmed down and relaxed.  God is so good that He put it on Maria's heart to notice my need.  The spinal went in fine and all was good.

Matt was let in for the surgery shortly after that and having him there is more than calming to my soul.  He held my hand, gently stroked my hair, gave me soft kisses, and talked to me so I would not focus on what was going on.  I am so incredibly blessed to have him by my side on this journey.

Rebekah was born into this world breathing, kicking and screaming.  It was a very wonderful sound.  Even though I have been having girl dreams the past few weeks, and once referred to the baby as a she, I was still surprised in hearing "It's a girl!"  We had not found out our baby's gender, but I had been very confident for eight months that we were going to have a baby boy.  

Rebekah was born our largest baby, with the least amount of hair.  She also has the lightest hair, unlike my other three being born with lots of dark brown hair.  Matt was able to stay with Rebekah through all her routine clean-up, weigh-ins and tests.  (another praise!)  The nurse that washed her up suggested Rebekah's hair might actually be curly - we will have to wait and see.  This little Rebekah is going to be full of wonderful surprises and I look forward to each and every one of them.

In this review of the events of the day, I seemed to have missed a large chunk of time.  

Rebekah and Matt visited me in recovery.  I was able to nurse Rebekah just an hour after she was born and she did awesome!  We needed lots of help from Matt to position her, but she latched on great.  After Rebekah and I got settled in our room, the nurse came to check up on us again.  I remember it being around noon, maybe 12:30,  and our nurse, Amy, did not like Rebekah's breathing.  She checked Rebekah's blood sugar (because I had gestational diabetes this fourth pregnancy) and everything was great there.  Amy told me to try to nurse Rebekah again and she would be back to check on her.  For the next 40 minutes we tried to get Rebekah to latch on and she just could not.  I also noticed her breathing getting more and more rapid.  Just as I was telling Matt to buzz for the nurse, Amy came back into the room.  She immediately took Rebekah's oxygen levels and confirmed they were dropping.  She used the adult size mask in the room to immediately give Rebekah some "blow by" oxygen and got her back into a safe range.  She got on her phone to report numbers and what she had done, and a doctor came to see us with two minutes.  We were told Rebekah was going to be moved to the "Special Care" nursery for a couple of hours for observation.

After we realized Rebekah was going to need some special care, I thought Matt should make a few calls to people who might be driving further distances, like my mom, sister and sister-in-law.  The nurse gave me Rebekah one more time to hold and she opened her eyes wide to look at me.  This was a very special Blessing that I am holding precious in my heart.  Matt came over and spoke softly to her and Rebekah's eyes shifted to him to study daddy carefully.  I was amazed at this precious newborn studying her daddy so closely!  I spoke and again she looked back at me!  As we held her close she just looked on us with wonder and I know those few minutes were a precious gift from God.

As the nurse was about to take Rebekah away, in walked my mom, sister, niece and nephew.  They didn't get to see her long, but I was blessed by the Spirit that they didn't just miss her.  God is so good for giving them even a few moments to hold our new baby and a gracious nurse that let them!

The afternoon became tougher as I began to move my legs and sit up.  Instantly the movement caused me to become sick, and I have been throwing up approximately every hour since then.  I can not even begin to express how amazing Matt is as a husband.  He is there for me every time I get sick, helps me clean up and wipe my face.  He even gets sprayed on and never complains one time.  He is a silent warrior by my side through it all.  God gave me an incredible man and He continues to equip Matthew for all my battles and needs.

After Matt posted on facebook that Rebekah went to special care, a friend who's husband works in pediatrics at this hospital, called her husband and sent him to get an update for us.  I later found out this had been Raj's day off!!  Raj and Vanessa had just had their first baby in early April so I am sure every day off was huge for him being a Resident doctor at a major hospital and getting very little family time.  But Vanessa insisted he use his hospital rights to find out information for us.  So he walked (they were without a car) to the hospital (they lived about a mile away at the time), changed into his grubs, spoke to the Head of Pediatrics, and found out what he could for us!  We had no idea God was working behind the scenes during this time or that Vanessa had even seen this post.  

When Matt went to get an update on Rebekah, he found out that she was moved to the NICU and was downstairs getting some tests done.  It would be over an hour before we heard anything from NICU and we would have to wait it out.  Less than 20 minutes later, Raj came in, introduced himself (yes, I had never even met him yet!), and gave us an update on what he knew at the time.  As any parent who has been in waiting mode before knows, that was an incredibly precious gift to hear from someone in between.  God is so good in using our Christian brothers and sisters moment by moment in this day.  Thank you for the extra special blessing Vanessa and Raj.  The update had been that the tests confirmed excessive fluid in the lungs, plus infiltration was beginning to occur.  They were taking pro-active measures and treating it as pneumonia.  I am not sure how much difference an hour would have made in a newborn just developing pneumonia, but I know that Amy, our nurse, was incredibly attentive for noticing Rebekah's issues so early. 

Matt decided it might be a good time to head home to help with our other three children for a couple of hours.    When Matt left the hospital for a couple of hours to help the children get settled for bed, I was in and out of a groggy sleep.  I remember Amy coming in to check on me one last time before heading home for the night.  She was awarded with having to be a quick catch with the puke tray since Matt was not there.  She asked about Rebekah and what were the official updates.  Again, I am so thankful for the two awesome nurses that were there for me today!

At one time I opened my eyes and gazed out the window on a beautiful rainbow.  What a gift that I will get to share with Rebekah I saw a rainbow on the day she was born!  I know in my heart that God is taking care of our Rebekah.  I called Matt to share this with him and he was happy to hear my excitement.  (speaking of calling Matt, I think I called him 4 times in the two hours he was home - and again, he never once complained about my constant interruptions as he was working hard to make use of his little time at home).  But God is more than good and more than awesome - on Matt's return drive to the hospital he got to see his own rainbow for Rebekah, and even snapped a picture on his phone.  How awesome is that?!!  Two rainbows in one day!!

I did attempt to go and see Rebekah in the NICU with Matt, but I did not make it very far, and almost covered the nurses desk with my wonderful spray.  Thanks again for a quick husband who grabbed their garbage can being the only thing in site.  It is difficult not being able to go and see her but I have been definitely feeling the prayers of all around me.  Thank you all so much for those prayers, they are bringing us much peace in the moments that we just miss holding our baby girl.  

May you all feel His love as greatly as I do today,
Marceen